Airport Fun!

By Lev Novak

I’m going to be an an airport today, which is the most amazing part of modern society which is still an enormous drag. If you’re headed there yourself, you’re going to need to entertain yourself. How? Read on!

1. Window Shop At The World’s Saddest Mall

Need a candy bar for $2.50? Want to ooh and ahh at an Applebee’s that somehow has a line out the door at 3:30 PM? Then the airport mall is for you!

See, airports developed into commercial areas as wait times increased, so, thanks to a lovely combination of luck and economics, waits have increased so you can enjoy all the goods around. Eight dollar magazines? Weird pillows you’ll only use once? A phone charger for forty bucks that you’ll just have to buy because you forgot yours at home? All here!

At best, you can pick up some duty free cigarettes for that special smoking someone. Otherwise, take a long deep sigh and remind yourself; you’re about to travel magically in the air. It’s all gonna work out.

2. People Watch the Saddest People in The World

I had the lucky experience to overhear a pair of paparazzi discuss their various tactics for surprising celebrities over their cold McDonald’s sandwiches, and I can share that wisdom with you. Paparazzi one was wondering what ethical way to stalk the celebrities children (just kidding, so he wouldn’t get arrested) while the other Paparazzi suggested befriending the child as a trick to trap the parent into being polite to you as you snap the pictures, since they wouldn’t want to upset their child by yelling at you.

Anyway, I then went back to my iPod, but the moral was clear; if you want to overhear terrible people, the McDonald’s in the airport gives you as good as odds as any.

3. Treat Yourself

Just get that $2.50 candy bar. Yes, it’s over-priced but if you want to stay sane, indulge. You’re not going to get good sushi in an airport, but if you somehow are in a really nice airport, take advantage of what they actually have. Logan airport in Boston has a pretty solid Legal Seafoods with a very decent beer selection. It’s as close to real food and real drink as you can find, and in the airport, it’s like an oasis.

Treat yourself right, and you can have a decent and dare I say good time in an airport.

4. Plan for the Plane

Save the iPod and electronics for the plane, when silence reigns. In an airport, focus on walking and seeing stuff. If you’re sitting stationary the entire time on the plane, sitting beforehand only increases the “blah” of the day. Walking around the airport, even to look at nonsense, is a good idea.

Participate in the world, yo. Because you won’t on the plane.

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