Bleeding Ruins Your Day: 5 Ways to Stop a Fight Before It Happens

By Lev Novak

(Heads up: Don’t ever get in a fight or ever follow this advice in a tense situation? Okay? Don’t do any of this. I’m not here to be sued.)

In college, like in life, there are a lot off different people. Most of these people are awesome, but some of these people are not. And, when drinking gets involved, people’s tempers can be problematic. So how do you diffuse a fight if the situation around you is getting heated? Here are some helpful guidelines, but don’t take any of this too serious. This advice won’t have your back in person, and I don’t advocating violence. Also, don’t do any of this or sue me.

Okay, I’m not a lawyer, but that seems pretty good. Again, this is just general advice.

1. Stay Cool

Most fights, frankly, go both ways.

Think about it: any argument or physical altercation tends to spiral upwards. I’m sure you were in the right, but why were you so mad? Did some guy disrespect you, and then you had to yell at him? Well, then he had to yell at you. And he’s going to yell at you? Well, shove him. Then he shoves you- he shoved you? Well, now you have to hit him.

Ta da! You’re in a fight now. Don’t be. Instead, stay cool. Don’t raise your voice, don’t fight back, don’t yell. Stay calm. It takes two people to allow a situation to escalate, so don’t let it. Suffocate the fight before it happens.

2. …But Don’t Wuss Out

This is where my advice might get a little controversial.

Absolutely stay cool- absolutely do that- but you shouldn’t confuse calmness for wussing out. In that vein, you shouldn’t back down if you don’t want to. Keep your head upright. Speak calmly, clear, and simply keep the status quo. They might keep huffing and puffing, but you’re going to find a lot of bros are very reluctant to actual fight a guy out of nowhere. If you’re keeping cool you’ll be in charge of the situation.

However, if you keep yielding ground: apologizing, or acting scared, you might encourage them even more than if you did nothing. That’s why, in my unprofessional opinion, it’s best to stay firm, serious, and calm. That middle ground keeps you in control of the situation without tipping your hand.

3…But also Figure Out Your Situation

Okay, a lot of ellipsis here.

That advice extends largely to a “you’re at a party and things took a weird turn” type situations. This does not apply to “this is a straight up bad thing going down.”

So, figure out your situation before you figure out how to invest your energy. For example, are you yelling at some dude in a party? If so, probably nothing is going to be bruised but some pride if you keep things calm. Similarly, keep aware of what the setting means to him: in a party situation, a guy is going to be reluctant to back down, but he’s going to be equally reluctant to take it there. Don’t force his hand and let him fizzle out. Keep a strong stare, hold your ground, and play it safe.

If you’re with a friend, generally don’t sweat. Two on one is a dramatically difficult situation for a guy to attack into. Also, if they’re with a friend, check the scenario: that friend of theirs might be a peacekeeper.

But I gotta remind you: if it feels dangerous, this isn’t the time to follow online articles.

4. Know There’s More Than One Way to Win a Fight.

This is the biggest truth I’ve found, and knowing that, it gives you the strength to end a fight with confidence and conviction.

I’ve never thrown a punch in a fight, but I’ve won every single one I’ve been roped in to. How? Because I kept my cool, didn’t escalate, kept my eyes open, and knew better than to let stuff go crazy.

One time outside a party, a football guy tried to fight me over something too boring to explain here. Since it was in public, I calculated that he was more likely to be putting on a show. He shoved me, I shoved him, and his friends held him back while he yelled how he was going to kill me. Yeah, yeah, real theatrical. I had a beer, bragged about it, and forgot it until I wrote this piece.

Here, I gauged it as something non-threatening, so I was willing to stick my neck out more. I won by not cowering in front of a guy twice my size, because I felt safe in a public setting. In a back alley, I’d have been a lot more anxious, but in public, with a guy I vaguely knew, I wasn’t nervous.

Another time some kids ran up on my friends over some late night yelling. There’d been drinking, and I forget what happened. There were three of us and five of them, and after some shoving on a side street, I diffused it by focusing not on the fighter, but on his friends: they seemed vaguely embarrassed to be here, and, exchanging a glance, I got my friends out of there. I just said we were getting pizza, ignored the fighter, and focused on his quiet friends who didn’t seem to want to fight that much.

Here, on a side street and outnumbered, I viewed the situation as more dangerous, but I also knew the strength in numbers: his weak links, and the simple unlikelihood of a group fight kept me confident that if we gave him respect and distance, that would be enough for him. I won because I kept safe, kept my pride, and got my friends out of a situation before it happened.

A third time, walking back at two in the morning, I saw and heard a few guys following me home. I was alone on a side street, and they started yelling threats at me. I picked up my pace, called a friend, and ducked into the nearest safe spot.

Here I didn’t keep my ground, try to diffuse, or whatever. I gauged the situation as messed up, and acted accordingly. Here I won because I got home, had a snack, and got to bed, comfy as heck.

5. Review

To calm down a fight you can calm down, keep your back straight and tone strong (you don’t want to seem an easy target) while factoring in the environment. If in public, understand they’ll be reluctant to hit but will want the respect and be unwilling to back down from verbal posturing. If private, uh-oh. Don’t let things escalate, and don’t be a victim. Above all, though, stay safe.

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