Ditch a Bad Friendship as Painlessly as Possible with These 3 Tips

By Amelia Woolard

As a college student, you’ve likely witnessed first-hand how crucial friendships are to your well-being. From the roomie who helps you stick to your study schedule to the pal who’s always down to hit your college town’s 24-hour diner, there are probably several people who come to mind when you envision friendships that have sustained you over the course of your college career thus far.

Unfortunately, not every friendship is meant to last forever, and there are plenty of reasons why a friendship may end. Some reasons are innocent enough. Maybe the first friend you made in college has become more involved with his pledged fraternity, leaving little time to hang out with you. Or perhaps, your pal will soon permanently relocate to a faraway country, making the chances that you’ll see them again slim to none. Other times, however, you might actively seek to end a friendship.

First off, don’t feel bad—this is just a part of life, and if you’re the reasonable person we know you are, then there has to be a good explanation for your decision. For example, your friend could be taking their life in a negative direction, and you don’t want to be associated with their behavior or decisions. Or, you’ve come to understand that your friend no longer upholds the values that you once shared, and you feel a disconnect that makes getting together uncomfortable, at best.

Deciding to end a friendship is often a difficult personal matter, and only you will be able to tell when it’s time to cut someone loose. When that time comes, your friends at uCribs have come up with 3 ways to help you make the transition, which will hopefully make a tense situation as simple and painless as possible.

Reduce how much energy you give to your friend.

It can be hard to handle a demanding, emotionally draining friend. This person might frequently try to make plans with you, only to bring nothing but drama to what’s supposed to be a chill hangout session. They might find relief in unloading their ever-increasing pile of burdens on you, while making your time spent together all about them. Forget about asking about your life – this friendship is solely one-sided, with no room for your cares or concerns. And, honestly, you’re sick of it and emotionally spent from trying to stay on top of their problems.

Instead of bending over backwards to keep this so-called “friend” satisfied, respect your personal boundaries – and your sanity – by limiting the emotional investment you’re pouring into the friendship. Don’t let yourself get entangled in their latest drama-filled saga, and when they call to deliver new gossip, don’t feel guilty for sending them to voicemail. Life as a college student is stressful enough without the added pressures of a toxic friendship. By reclaiming your time and energy, you’ll show your friend that you are no longer willing to keep their petty behavior in your life.

Create some distance and limit how much you hang out with them.

In a time of hyper-connectivity, the notion of distance can be hard to grasp. Just about everyone across the world is now connected, thanks to social media networks like Facebook and Instagram. Face-to-face video chatting capabilities and free text messaging apps can transcend geographical areas and time zones. As foreign of a concept as distance might seem, it is exactly what you’ll need to create when you’re trying to call it quits on a bad friendship. The best way to do this is to stop initiating contact and limit the amount of time you spend together—this way you won’t hurt their feelings or cause even more strife between the two of you.

When you and your friend were close, each of you probably initiated contact in equal amounts – so, now that you’ve lost the desire to remain pals, it only makes sense that you stop reaching out to them with updates on your life. Along with fighting the urge to text them, you’ll want to reduce the frequency of your meet-ups. Since you no longer want to accommodate weekly hangouts, start suggesting that you get together once a month and continue to reduce your availability from there. It might feel strange at first, but creating distance is one of the least offensive ways to let a bad friendship fade into a distant memory.

Explain your feelings one-on-one.

In a perfect world, the friend you’re hoping to ditch would immediately pick up on those subtle cues you’ve been dropping that things aren’t working out. Depending on how close you used to be to this person and how invested they may still be in your friendship, it’s more likely, however, that you’ll need to sound the alarm loud and clear before your message is heard. Unfortunately, this means that you might have to sit down with your friend one-on-one and explain your feelings in order to move on.

Having “the talk” with your friend will be weird and awkward—there’s no doubt about that. Nevertheless, this is one hurdle you’ll have to overcome if you want to end a friendship for good. While there’s no exact blueprint for this difficult conversation, there are a few tips you should keep in mind. Arrange to speak in-person and be sure to avoid any inflammatory language that blames or insults the other person. Though this conversation won’t be a fun one to have, you should steer clear of any name-calling or mean-spirited behavior, which will only make you feel even worse about the situation. Trust us, it’s always best to keep it civil.

Breaking up is hard to do, and not only when it comes to romantic relationships. No one likes to admit it, but certain people aren’t meant to be your “bestie for the restie” – no matter how long you’ve been friends, or how many incredible experiences you share. While calling it quits on a friend is never fun, look at it this way: moving on from stress-inducing friendships is a sign of growth. So, the next time you suspect that your life might be better off without that one pal in it, don’t be afraid to pull the plug on your lousy friendship, using these 3 tips. Your future self will thank you for having your best interests at heart.

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