Don’t Send Me Your Think Piece

By Lev Novak

Don’t send me your Think Piece.

A think piece- for those lucky enough to avoid them, is a long-form self-proud essay that delves deep into a pop culture issue- Beyonce, Twerking, Blurred Lines, whatever- and tells you what they think about it. Maybe, if you’re lucky, they’ll even tack on a social message. Just kidding- they will tack on a social message, with two underlying points: one, that everyone else is bad and dumb, and two- that the writer of the post (and you, if you agree loud enough) are the rare special good people, you know, the ones who get it.

It’s how they say them, not what they say, that bothers me. Every think pieces starts with a subtle message- that what they say is fact, only understood by a chosen few- which means only people who already agree are likely to click on them. Consider, for a minute, who’s reading Thought Catalog posts about racially crouched criticism of Kanye West. I’ll give you a clue- it’s not your racist Aunt.

And the smugness! The smugness to decide at twenty-two- because every think-piece is by a twenty-two author, in body or in spirit- that you and you alone understand the absolute realities of race, gender, and class- but get this! You’ll employ serious academic inquiry to a seemingly minor piece of pop culture. What a unique and irreverent use of a college education!

So who reads these? Simple; other authors, and it locks you into a self-congratulating incestual pile of chirping tumblr-activists who will either share your article in earnest, or, far more likely, will hit you with an “actually…” and then nit-pick your narrow point and audience even further in a hope of proving their bonifides as the hippest, smartest liberal this world has ever seen.

Look: I write list-based articles for an apartment-hunting website. This is an article on an apartment-hunting website, and the same parts of that which you’d mock me for is what I celebrate about it. Is it artistic to suggest “last-minute Christmas gifts?” No; but it’s honest, and I stand by it; nice but restrained pajamas are a great gift that’s both practical, cozy and playful. But when you write a think piece, you’re spiraling into a smug, impractical place. The same people who write about the flaws of capitalism on their eight-hundred dollar laptops can’t be bothered to tip an extra dollar.

That’s really the point here. Live by your convictions; don’t blog about them.

I’m not here to invalidate your opinions and thoughts. I want to read them, and I care. But if I see another piece with the implicit tone that they are the One True Liberal Savior who Explains A Pop Culture Moment as an Example Of Social Ill without offering an explanation, a suggestion, or- forgive me- an actual thought, then forgive me for saying that you are bad, and you should feel bad, too.

And yes, this itself a think piece. Grow up.

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