How To Beach

By Lev Novak

Welcome to the beach! It’s summer, and, by law, you’ll end up at the beach. Love it or hate it, it happens.

Personally, I love the beach. I’ve spend many summers beaching it up, and as a result, I have nearly two decades worth of beach knowledge to drop on you. Some of that beach knowledge might be dated to the age it was learned (age five: don’t eat sand, not even a little) but most of it is timeless.

1. Beware The Sun

Yes, wear sunscreen.

Yes, on your ears. And feet. Reapply it. You’re set.

Right? Wrong. Because a sunburn is just one of the many things to understand about the sun. Do you have an umbrella or hat for shade? What about shades for your eyes? Because if you’re going to be out and about frolicking for a while on the beach, understand that the glare of burning plasma is going to affect your day.

2. Keep Track Of Time

The sun is going to sap your energy and the beach is going to sap your time.

Is it rush hour? Do you have dinner plans you want to make? Do you not have enough food to survive happily as beach-camping hobos for the rest of your days? If so, you’re going to want to keep track of the clock.

I know, I know. The beach is fun and relaxing. It’s a world away from schedules and requirements. But with just a little bit of functional awareness, you’re going to have a better beach experience and day than anyone else.

Here’s how to keep track of time well.

-Do not take forever to leave for the beach.

-Be fully packed (including lots of food, including nourishing food as well as tasty food as well as tons of water) to inimize the need for breaks or stops.

-Get to the beach at 10:30 and leave at 2:15 or get to the beach at 2:30 and leave at 6:15. The first is for active “swimming/running/tanning” lifestyles. The sun will tire you out, and waking up early means you can take a nice post-beach nap and still have your whole night open for whatever. Going at the 2:00-6:00 range is for the “smoker/slacker/chilling” vibe. Be sure to tell them the plan is to get to the beach at 1:00 to ensure everyone’s there at two. You’re going to get good sun but miss the absolute burn of the mid-day. You should first be active, then lounge, hang, sandcastle or swim and go home as it begins to get dark, missing traffic as you do.

3. Night Beach?

Give it a shot.

4. Beware The Sun 2: Sun’s Revenge

Seriously, guys. It’s a giant ball of plasma and it’s coming for your pasty shoulders.

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