How to Resolve Roommate Conflicts

By Miranda Darling

Roommate conflicts are very common in college students, whether you’re living on or off-campus. However, roommate conflicts can be resolved by fixing issues in areas such as communication and understanding.

Here are the steps to approaching the situation based on how far your conflict has progressed.

You have issue that you haven’t spoken up about but want to resolve

When dealing with a roommate conflict, do not pass up the opportunity to speak to your roommate. One of the worst things you can do is tell yourself that it’s fine and you will deal with it. More often than not, you will get more annoyed with the issue as time goes on. Resolving conflicts become much harder when you have built up frustration and your roommate had no idea there was an issue in the first place. You are making the right decision by talking about it. Remember the saying, the squeaky hinge gets the oil.

That being said, it is often best to approach your roommate in person, if possible, versus using email or text. Also, try to stay as calm and collected as possible to improve everyone’s comfort level. State your issue, why it’s an issue, and ask them what they think about it. They may say they don’t like it either, or they are okay with fixing the issue, in which the situation is resolved at which point you show extreme appreciation for their understanding.

If they express importance on keeping things the way they are, further discussion is required to reach a compromise (that should be a combination of both of your ideas, not just yours or theirs). Again, remain comfortable and understanding of their point of view for best results. You may realize that a compromise is not possible, and you may have to let it go so that the situation doesn’t get worse.

You have an issue that has become passive aggressive that you want resolved immediately

At this point, maybe you already had a conversation about the issue that wasn’t successful, or you both have been going back and forth changing something to match your preference without talking about it. It is now your responsibility to step back and try to view the conflict from an outside source. Does it seem childish? Is the conflict affecting your overall behavior negatively? Are you proud of how you’ve handled the situation so far?

Your roommate will most likely have the same answers. Have a conversation with your roommate in this mindset. Explain how you are feeling and try to reach a compromise. You can also bring in an outside neutral source that both of you have respect for to resolve the problem.

You have a conflict that has become extremely aggressive

Maybe neither you nor your roommates are backing down and you are feeling very uncomfortable in the situation. Typically at most universities, you can find help on-campus. One way conflicts can be resolved is through mediation, a process in which a neutral third party facilitates communication and understanding between all parties. Most mediation results in an agreement among all parties so that future conflict can be prevented. Mediation is confidential and allows the individuals themselves to create the agreements that result from the mediation. Call the Office of Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution or similar at your university.

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