How to Stay Sane While Visiting Family Over the Holidays

By Ian Donnelly

Love it or hate it, celebrating the holidays usually calls for spending a good chunk of quality time with your family. Handling this can be tricky for anyone, but it gets especially stressful for students going home for the holidays. Leaving the freedom of college life and heading back into old family dynamics can often feel more like reverting to childhood than a winter vacation.

If family-oriented holiday festivities don’t correspond with your idea of a good time, there’s plenty of things you can do to keep from going bonkers while you’re visiting relatives. It’s all about your mindset, and if the thought of heading home has left you with no more fingernails to bite, take a look at these sanity-saving pointers that will guide you through the madness of “quality family time” during the holiday season!

Stick to Your Daily Rituals

One of the hardest aspects of going home for the holidays is feeling like you’re cut off from your regular life. Suddenly you’re neck-deep in your family, your hometown, and the up-in-the-air schedule that’s almost unavoidable during this time of the year. To get through the holiday madness, try to keep as much of your routine in place as you can. Holding onto everyday customs can help keep the chaos at bay so that you don’t feel completely disoriented during you’re visit.

Even if it’s just one essential ritual, having that sense of normalcy can work wonders for your headspace. Do you always start your day with a cup of coffee and some social media scrolling? Have you never missed a midday run? Do you unwind with a podcast every afternoon? Then don’t skip it. Whatever activity grounds you on a daily basis, take the time to make it happen over the holidays.

Find a Makeshift Holiday Sanctuary

You may be miles from your “happy place,” but that doesn’t mean you can’t create a safe space for yourself over the holidays. Even if your old bedroom has already been turned into a guest room or you’re staying at a different family member’s house, it’s still important to delegate a place you can go to collect your thoughts, take some deep breaths, and staple that smile back on your face for the next round of family fun.

Just like when you were a teenager at home, you’ll need a fallback point to retreat to when you’re feeling overwhelmed during your visit. Who knows, maybe this trip will go perfectly and you’ll have nothing but good times, civil conversations, and holiday cheer—but it’s always good to have a backup plan in case those special family get-togethers become extra special.

Say Yes Now, Slip Out Later

When you visit family, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll be asked to do something you don’t really want to do. Expecting demands as soon as you step through the door is probably a safe bet, so be ready to drive your cousin to the store, put on that hideous homemade sweater, and figure out why grandma’s smartphone isn’t working. Your family may push your buttons with all their requests, but you don’t have to view these chores as punishments. Try to think of them more as good-behavior collateral that you can use when you need a break.

If you’re told to go fetch some ridiculous thing on the other side of town or get roped into playing Scrabble for hours, just bite your tongue, grin and bear it, and stick that “good sport” attitude in your back pocket for later. If you say yes to all that is asked of you, no one can deny your right to step away for a breather. Putting in your fair share of family time can earn you an easy out to meet up with old friends from high school or just spend some down time by yourself.

Embrace the Kid’s Table

This tactic may seem counterproductive for a newly-independent college student, but hear me out. Yes, you’ve been trying to get promoted from your spot at the holiday kid’s table all your life. But trust me, talking to your eight-year-old cousin about his favorite video game is so much better than the grilling you’ll get from the adults, who are all dying to interrogate you.

Your relationship status, your major, your future career, your life goals, and every other heavy-handed topic is fair game when you graduate to a grown-up seat. You’ll be begging for plastic utensils and sparkling cider before the toast is even made, so stick with the little ones for more comfortable conversations. Plus, any time you spend chaperoning the kids earns you bonus points that you can put towards some extra “you” time.

Keep Your Eye on the Prize

If you have the foresight to know that you’re going to have an emotional hangover after visiting your family, take some time now to figure out what you’re going to do once you make it through the holidays. Whether it’s catching a flick you really want to see in theatres or catching up with friends at your favorite restaurant near campus, your post-holiday reward can be a comforting light at the end of the holiday tunnel.

Whatever your destressing activity may be, make plans, commit to them, and calendar the date and time in your smartphone. It will give you a concrete finish line for your holiday visit and something fun to look forward to.

If you feel destined to stress out this holiday season, these essential tips can provide you with the perspective you need to make it through all the family-oriented festivities with your sanity intact. By focusing on the good times, good food, and these golden rules of family visits, you’ll be able to survive the most wonderful time of the year!

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