How to Train Your Room Mate

By Lev Novak

Living with someone- a friend, a room-mate or even a monster who hides under your mattress (don’t check, he’s there)- can be a difficult proposition. Sometimes you’ll mesh- sometimes you won’t and living together for a full year ensures that there’s going to be some conflict. Now the question is: how do you handle it?

1. Pick Your Battles

If your room-mate uses your shampoo, just let it go, man.

Seriously: shampoo is like twelve cents a serving. That’s an example of the wrong battle- it’s something small, easy to deny, easy to fix, and isn’t worth introducing tension into your relationship. Let’s say your room-mate is otherwise pretty cool, but they use your shampoo. If you let it slide, you have more cachet to use in other issues: if, for example, they’re eating your snacks, then you can bring that up now without that being an issue. If, however, you wasted your “hey, just got to say…” on something as small as shampoo, though, you won’t be able to fix it.

2. Know Your Screwing Up

This is the most important rule of being a room-mate. Every small thing you notice about your room-mate, they notice about you. Even if they don’t mention it, they might be bothered by the way you always leave the bathroom wet (me) or that you play music late without headphones (also me.) If you allow yourself to get worked up about a small flaw of your room-mates, their going to get mad: they, this whole time, have been keeping quiet about your faults this whole time, and presto: you’re in a fight now.

Don’t be in a fight.

3. Positive Reinforcement

Thank your room-mate. Cleaning up can be a real drag, especially when you don’t think it’s your mess to clean (important note: no one thinks it’s their mess- that’s how messes last and last in shared housing.) So, be sure to thank people when they take care of stuff, even if you think it’s their job. At worst, you’re being friendly. At best, you’re reminding them that they should be cleaning up their own plates every time.

Similarly, buy your room mate a beer every now and then. It’s $3-$5 depending on your city, and it will inherently make your living situation more friendly. It’s less than 1% of your rent, but it can add up to a much nicer environment.

4. Count Your Blessings

If you like your room-mate, but they drive you a little crazy…keep some perspective. Liking your room-mate is an awesome gift, and it’s not promised. Getting along “okay” is considered the average- anything past that is a bonus point.

If your roomie wing-manned you, or invited you out with friends, or got you a good six pack for your birthday, then they’re a keeper. Show support and repeat the gesture and you can train them- and yourself- to be positive, and you’ll live in a better environment for it. And even if they’re only okay, find the best angle of that “okay” and keep positive. Sometimes you can’t train your roomie- but, at least, you can train your own attitude to work for the best.

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