Party Essentials: Setting

By Lev Novak

It’s the last week of summer, and as that melds into the first week of school, it’s important that you look on the bright side. Yes, the beach is gone, and yes, the chance to crack a beer at the sunset while hi-fiving your friend with a popsicle and then both those popsicles freeze together is gone as well. But there are advantages to the autumn world as well. And one of those is parties.

Yes, parties: this week you’ll get the low-down on how to host them, with advice on the drinks, the theme, the setting the people, and, lastly, the “other” that separates the good parties from the mediocre.

Today, we’re talking setting.

1. Freshman-Proof Your House

So you’re hosting a party- what could possibly go wrong?

When planning aloud with your friends and room-mates, such a question is considered impolite. You’re supposed to look on the bright side and to have a positive attitude. But there is a question you have to address: how do you protect your house from Freshman?

Not inviting Freshman isn’t enough. They’ll show up- through cracks and from the ground itself. If you say “I heard there’s beer” three times in a mirror at night, four freshman will knock on your day saying, uh, “hey.” That’s fine. We were all Freshman once. And that’s why you have to prepare.

Check your alcohol supply: do you have enough for fifteen extra people? If you’re leaving alcohol open at a bar, is there anyone supervising pours? The last thing you want is a Freshman puking from their Peppermint Schnapps and Orange Juice concoction or worse- the ambitious freshman who wants to take the bottle as a trophy.

So what do you do? Simple. Stay alert. Keep the alcohol under loose supervision, and watch for anyone who seems too far gone. Adult supervision isn’t fun, but it’ll keep someone from throwing up on your laptop.

2. Move Furniture.

This is an exceedingly simple tip that almost nobody uses. When hosting a party, simply move your furniture.

If you’re in the kitchen, move the table out of there into a basement. Move the chairs away. It opens up as much floor space as possible, and, additionally, prevents people from staining or tripping over them. It’s simple, easy, and effective and it comes with one quick bonus: if you move furniture into your room, you also have a simple protection for your stuff. No drunk kid wants to maneuver past a table.

3. Decorations Are Fun

Draw stuff on paper and tape it up. Spend three dollars on some streamers or a banner. It’s something that nobody does, and let’s be honest- it’s awesome. Do something like that and you set your party apart visually. If a party has beer and streamers, after all, it’s pretty hard to go wrong.

4. Physically Space It Out

Is your party a chill spot? Then put the alcohol in the largest physically open place for people to hang out. If you want to throw a party with music and dancing, then shoehorn the alcohol into a corner: it’ll save the largest open space for dancing and discourage people from just posting up by the keg. Is your entire party an excuse to invite the cute girl from your music program over and then, you know, seeing what’s up? Well, be sure to have the party full of space to talk and hang out, with a few people hanging out in each personal room. That way, chilling out in your room is a super chill transition, and should she be into it, you totally might make out, and all thanks to physical spacing.

You’re welcome, bro.

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