Room-Mate Negotiations

By Amanda Brown

Living with others comes with it’s own set of advantages; someone else to see, someone else to buy the toilet paper, someone around to hang out with, and, in a perfect world, a friend that you can count in even when no one else is around.

It can also come with it’s own challenges. Namely, that there is someone else in your house who is always around.

Since science has proved that the vast majority of room-mates are human, and thus entitled to their own opinions and ideas, things can get frustrating. Even when things go well, some things can be a source of debate and consternation. So, how do you deal with another person who lives in your house?

1. Communication

Like any good relationship, you need communication to make it last. Also, like any good relationship, do not hook up with their siblings. This is a must.

Communication doesn’t mean a chore wheel, and it should be loose, inclusive and non-judgemental. For example: “hey, let’s clean this weekend” is good, because maybe they’ve been busy lately, and maybe some of the mess is yours. Maybe they’re busy right now and really don’t feel like cleaning, or don’t feel like taking orders. So don’t give them. “Clean this up” is going to start a fight, or a debate, and stuff you didn’t even know you did will come back to bite you. If you haven’t gotten to the dishes in a while, guess what card they have to play back?

Don’t battle. Talk, communicate, and do so in low stakes.

2. No Chore Wheels

Chore wheels are the worst.

3. Use Go-Betweens

A board or a way to keep track of debts, especially one that has the cost and reason attached to them, is a better way to get your money back. That’s because instead of nagging someone and worrying that they won’t pay you- or being nagged and bothered for, like, ten bucks dude, calm down- you can put that all into a go-between. You know they won’t forget if you have a board up somewhere, and they know you won’t nag them forever.

All the tension that could be between the two of you is instead put into this board. Keep it that way.

4. Pick Your Battles

If they like the thermostat four degrees colder than you do, that’s a thing to be annoyed about. It’s worth mentioning to them, too. But if a compromise can’t be made, it’s time to just accept it.

Just kidding. It’s time for a silent war of constantly changing the thermostat (in slight amounts.)

Generally the more calm you are in your battles, the more you can have. If the above example won’t make either of you mad, go for it. If, paradoxically, changing the thermostat would be a big deal, forget it. Wear a sweater and pick your victories in small spots.

It sounds funny, but the smaller the issue is to both parties, the easier it is to take control of it. Even if you don’t succeed, nobody will mind. For bigger issues, tread lightly.

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