The (Winter) Metamorphosis

By Tyler F

The typical student’s winter ritual entails regression from warm-weather activities to a state of deep hibernation. As if all the pent up indolence from the summer and fall can finally be released.

The steps towards becoming a bear follow a predictable series of events.

In its natural habitat, the college student starts to eat and collect copious amounts of carb-rich food. The reserves are then stored in their respective kitchens. Hopefully the stockpile is enough to last the winter months.

Next the student will adapt to the rapidly changing climate. This includes buying coats, hats, gloves, earmuffs, boots, and whatever else that can be scavenged. To warm its home, the college student picks up extra hours at work. The goal is to afford the sudden spike in the heat bill. In the case that students are unprepared for the extra cost, they will be wearing coats indoors or shiver until February comes.

The last step to achieving full winter lockdown is planning the reprieve, that is, winter break. For though students are so much like bears (especially after no-shave-November) there are ways to escape the transformation. South Beach may strike some longing chords; but don’t worry, cranking up your parents’ thermostat is close enough.

Another way to embrace humanity is to become involved in winter sports. No bear can ski, snowboard or skate like a red-bull wired Christmas breaker. The activity will keep you warm. And if you think that snow sports aren’t your thing, the gym is there to provide you with the means to stay fit.

For health’s sake, do what it takes to avoid cabin fever. College students were not made to hibernate for so many months. So as long as you maintain a certain level of activity, when you get up in the morning, and you look in the mirror, you don’t have a bear staring back.

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