Advice About Advice

By Lev Novak

Oftentimes, you’re online, and you’re reading something awesome, like this article. And in this article is advice. Glorious, advice; how to lose weight, how to improve your house, how to talk to girlz, whatever.

But how do you discern the advice? How do you take it and apply it?

Well, here’s some advice about advice.

1. Complicated Things Are Complicated

If someone has a very simple solution to a complicated issue; “just dump her” “always go for the outside straight” or even “pizza is better drunk food than tacos” then you’re talking to a simple person. Complicated issues- which are generally the ones that you need the most advice for- require serious thought and weighing of factors. If you’re leaving out a detail, the whole prognosis could be wrong.

And for what it’s worth; usually, fancy tacos are better than fancy pizza, and cheap tacos are better than cheap pizza. However! A typical pizza is better than a typical taco. This is just one man’s opinion, but as you can see, factors matter. Pizza is easier to share, but tacos are super fun to eat, but meatless pizza is better than meatless tacos.

See what I’m saying? Complicated things are complicated.

2. Don’t Follow Pseudo-Science

If anyone has “one weird trick” to do something, focus on the words. That’s right; you’re being tricked. And the advice is weird.

No, eating one type of berry isn’t going to make you magically healthy. No, being mean to girls in a very specific way while wearing a hat isn’t a healthy or successful way to make friends.

Let’s say I tell you I have one weird trick that will make birth control obsolete. Simply by barking like a seal, twenty-three hours a day, you will be protected from any consequences of unprotected sex. Man, that sure is a weird trick, huh? It doesn’t work, of course, but it doesn’t have to. Because…

3. Don’t Trust Someone Who Can Gain

…I patented the special “seal-barking-sex” hat, and you can buy it for twelve dollars! That’s it; a one time payment of twelve dollars, a lot of fine print you shouldn’t bother reading, and you’ll save on birth control forever!

Man, what a coincidence that this weird trick I just announced on the internet is going to make me money. Also, if you’d like to make a bunch of money online, just send me $20. I have a weird trick for that too; I don’t want to spoil it, but it involves selling gullible children magical beans.

4. Consider The Source

Lastly, consider the source of your advice. All the world is a nail to a hammer, and if someone comes to you with advice, it’s important to remember their personal bias.

If you are having problems with your boyfriend, for example, everyone might have different advice or insight. But the guy in your class who keeps trying to text you on the weekend is going to have very specific advice for why you should break up. And your baby-loving grandmother might have very strong advice for why you two should stay together.

Either of them might be correct, but advice comes with a bias. It’s either a large one (the person has something to gain) or unconscious. If your friend just got out of a bad relationship, they might be more inclined to tell you to break up because their experiences colored their advice. Same with a friend making puppy eyes at their new partner.

Whatever you hear, weigh it for the best balance.

5. Always Listen To Me

Always. I am smart and cool, and I can do twelve push-ups in a row.

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