Your Halloween Costume

By Lev Novak

Smell the pumpkin spice in the air? Halloween is almost upon us. Do you have a costume yet?

Finding a solid Halloween costume can be difficult for everyone. On the one hand, you want something creative. Also, cheap. Also something unique but everyone’s going to get it. It will take no work to make, and everyone will recognize it super well.

That’s a lot of notes to hit, so let’s get started.

1. Do Not Be A Rapper

I know you have the hats, and maybe you have a jersey and a necklace, but it’s stupid and lazy. Be specific, if you want; Vanilla Ice is acceptable, as is Eminem. If you add some “50 Cents” pun, 50 Cent can work. But trafficking in vague stereotypes can be a dangerous game so if you must be a rapper, be a specific rapper.

Also, I can’t believe I have to type this, but do not wear blackface. Every year, there’s an article about some upper-level college having two or three guys wearing blackface. Do not wear blackface.

2. Less is More

Look, I’m not telling you to add “slutty” as a precursor to all your costumes, but it should be noted for everyone: these parties are sweaty. Dancing in cardboard is not fun. Whatever costume you wear, I recommend making it involve shorts. Hugh Hefner sounds like a good idea until you soak all the way through your velvet robe.

The less you have on, the more fun you’ll have. Not in a creepy, weird way, but in a “I’m glad I don’t have to hunt down where I left my expensive costume-coat at this party” way.

3. Do Not Be The Worst

People who go to a costume party dressed as “themselves” are the worst, and should be shunned. Also the worst? Difficult, pun-based costumes that don’t have a name-tag or anything at all relevant.

Do not be the worst. Have a costume.

4. Commitment is Good

You know those people who dress up as Mario or Luigi at parties? A friend of a friend of mine dressed up as Wario and spent the whole night annoying those people, and doing the Wario laugh. That might not be the sexiest or coolest costume, but it was absolutely awesome and people still remember it- to the point that I am recounting the story second-hand, and it happened three years ago.

If you can do something memorable, even once, it’s worth it. And if you don’t want to spend the money or effort to make a costume, have a funny idea and stick with it.

The point is: what makes a mediocre Batman costume into a *great* Batman costume? Chasing down the Joker and doing the Batman voice. You’re not the hero this party deserves, but you’re the hero this party needs.

5. Accessorize

For maximum opportunity, think of a costume that lets you improve it on the fly. Your “drug dealer” costume can become a “Jesse Pinkman” costume with a bag of blue rock-candy easily. Your “I don’t have a costume” can be a “doctor” costume with a stethoscope. Your “I just have a tank-top” is a “soldier” costume if you borrow dog-tags.

That’s it! One extra object and you have a costume. Ta dah! You’re welcome.

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