Zombie-Proof Apartments

By Lev Novak

Look: no apartment is “zombie proof” the same way that nothing is really “perfect.” But, there are varying levels of safe you can have, and hopefully we here at uCribs can help you prepare for zombie attacks.

1. Location, Location.

In much of real-estate, location is a key factor. Using uCribs you can get a great view of your area and search by proximity to what you want and need, but in a zombie-scenario, what you want and need are different. You’re going to want to locate yourself in the sweet spot between over-crowded (zombie critical mass) and overly rural (no supplies, help, allies.)

Similarly, you can use Yelp! to check the stores and restaurants in the area in advance. Any weapon shops? Restaurants with back rooms full of supplies? An athletics store which would have a lot of metal bats which are just useful?

Knowing where you are can help get your zombie plan on track right now.

2. Be A People Person

There’s a trope that says that in a zombie apocalypse, people are the most dangerous. With all due respect, I disagree. Zombies are the most dangerous part of a zombie apocalypse. Plus, let’s be honest- it’s easier to work with someone than it is to risk your life fighting people, too.

No lone wolves. You’re going to need someone to guard the night shift, someone to talk to for sanity, someone to have your back in a raid or a fight, and the more people you have, the more man (and woman) power available.

Having multiple room-mates can make your apartment cheaper and more fun; same with living in an apartment complex near school with potential classmates and friends. All those people could be your study-buddies and friends in normal life which is nice, but in a zombie-world they will be your all

Also, your Freshman year room-mate is your number-one ally, wherever they are, in case of zombies. This is in your school contract, so be aware.

3. Know Your Layout

Apartments come in many styles and layouts. Is it better to have a flexible escape plan in case of invasion, or is it more important to have a stable bottle-neck to protect the door?

These are the questions you should ask your apartment broker until they get creeped out and leave. Then, come use uCribs. We understand you.

4. Supplies

What do you have in your apartment? Water bottles, a pocket-knife, zombie-proof lasers, a suit made of knives to prevent zombies from getting too huggy?

Whatever it is, stock up. There won’t be Seamless in the zombie world (well, probably not) so make sure you have some water and granola bars all ready to go. Can’t hunt zombies on an empty stomach, right?

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